wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
