It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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