what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize