It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
