You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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