why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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