my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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