i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize