We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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