Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize