im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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