help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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