Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
