How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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