my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize