I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
