I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
