yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
