Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
