he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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