either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were trust falling into bushes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
