Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
