i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Someone came in the potted fern
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
