He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
