soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
