tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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