Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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