wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
