I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
