no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
