Do vagina's smell?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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