Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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