Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
