i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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