He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
