You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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