Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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