oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
