when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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