the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
