I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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