So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
