Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
