is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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