come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
