Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
