Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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