I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God I need to hump something, right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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