yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ketchup is God's man juice
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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