You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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