Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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