I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
soo... how was my night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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