I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How does one acquire holy water?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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