On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
