Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
