1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
