i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
