Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
