it hurts more in the daytime
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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