And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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