There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
