how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
