I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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