I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
