Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
