I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
