i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
