my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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