Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
